Bangalore has banned plastic bags. A very commendable initiative to drive away plastics from the face of the earth, indeed. If you go to a shop or a supermarket in Bangalore, you are not offered plastic bags to carry your stuff anymore. Well, that may not be strictly correct. You are offered plastic bag(s) if you pay Rs 2/- for each of the bags.
Here lies the rub. How many of us carry a bag to a shop to bring back things that we buy? A few perhaps. But most of us do not. Eventually we end up paying multiples of Rs 2/- for our plastic bags. So what actually has happened is that what we were getting as complementary take-aways are now being charged.
It would instructive to know the dip in plastic bags' demand -if any at all - in all of Bangalore since the time the ban has come into force. I suspect there would have been a negligible dip in the demand-clearly, not even worth its weight in plastic. Effectively this means that an enterprising business person has passed the price of the plastic bags to the consumer.
Once I asked at one of the supermarkets why are the supermarkets are making a mockery of the environmental protection campaign. Why did they not wrap our stuff up in paper bags as was done in this country in the seventies, eighties and earlier? The answer was simple: paper bags cannot hold today's weighty stuff.
I agree. Only plastic cards can hold today's weighty stuff.
16 September 2011
25 January 2011
Intell Inside
The Intell company always conducts a test for its new joiners. It takes all the new joiners to a room full of artifacts-computers, laptops, devices, mobiles, even paintings and photographs. You would imagine that the new joiners are a brilliant lot and do not fear the test. After all, they had come up through a battery of tests to reach the gates of Intell. And you are right about that too. The new joiners enter the room with utter nonchalance to face the test.
And the test?
It was quite simple, actually. The company wants to find out how familiar the new joiners are with the the company's product proliferation. The newcomers are given 50 stickers each. All the stickers have the company logo Intell Inside embedded. All the newcomers are required to do is to stick these logos to the artifacts which they think have Intell Inside.
The company is in the business of manufacturing processors and therefore there are very few things in that room that do not have Intell Inside.
The company prides itself that 98 percent of the time, the new joiners get it right. That, among other things, proves the making of a loyal workforce for the company.
Sometimes the new joiners get it wrong - 2% of the time, that is. Sometimes some noob sticks the logo onto this artifact:
Now, if you don't recognise this artifact let me put you wise. This is a potty. The Management frowns on this small indiscretion and resolves to put the errant new joiner on a corrective course.
Other times some newcomer points the logo onto the top of a painting of the visage of the Chairman, Paul Otellini. And the Management smiles. The Management hasn't made too many mistakes in choosing their new Intellians, has it? Mr Otellini's upstairs does indeed have Intell Inside.
And on rare occasions - ever so rare occasions - a bright young lad or lass points the logo to the name Otellini, written at the bottom of the painting . And the smiles on the faces of the Management brethren broaden. Yes, even the Chairman's name has Intell Inside. This new joiner is really a potential CEO.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any character is purely coincidental. All events described in this article are fictional.
And the test?
It was quite simple, actually. The company wants to find out how familiar the new joiners are with the the company's product proliferation. The newcomers are given 50 stickers each. All the stickers have the company logo Intell Inside embedded. All the newcomers are required to do is to stick these logos to the artifacts which they think have Intell Inside.
The company is in the business of manufacturing processors and therefore there are very few things in that room that do not have Intell Inside.
The company prides itself that 98 percent of the time, the new joiners get it right. That, among other things, proves the making of a loyal workforce for the company.
Sometimes the new joiners get it wrong - 2% of the time, that is. Sometimes some noob sticks the logo onto this artifact:
Now, if you don't recognise this artifact let me put you wise. This is a potty. The Management frowns on this small indiscretion and resolves to put the errant new joiner on a corrective course.
Other times some newcomer points the logo onto the top of a painting of the visage of the Chairman, Paul Otellini. And the Management smiles. The Management hasn't made too many mistakes in choosing their new Intellians, has it? Mr Otellini's upstairs does indeed have Intell Inside.
And on rare occasions - ever so rare occasions - a bright young lad or lass points the logo to the name Otellini, written at the bottom of the painting . And the smiles on the faces of the Management brethren broaden. Yes, even the Chairman's name has Intell Inside. This new joiner is really a potential CEO.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any character is purely coincidental. All events described in this article are fictional.
21 January 2011
Do Indian Banks care if you are an honest Income Tax Payer?
There is a lot of noise these days about the amount of money stashed away in Swiss Banks, and how immoral the Swiss Banking system is. It may be safe to assume that all the Indian money that is changing colours in the Swiss Banks is probably increasing for honest reasons as well-interest gained on parked money. I maybe wrong for I am neither an investment banker nor a financial expert. But still, such an assumption appears intuitive.
How well the Swiss banks look after your money! Whatever the method of your wealth accumulation!
Now compare it with the Indian Banks. I am an Indian. The company that I work with required that I submit proof of my savings for getting some income tax rebate by January 5th. Fair enough. I scrimped and scavenged and put some money into a 5 year term deposit into an Indian Bank. Of course, the number of zeros in this amount doesn’t in any way compare with the numbers in the Swiss banks. But parking money is parking money, and such parking is required by Indian law - if you want some rebate on your Income tax, that is. I did.
After I put my money, the rate of interest on deposits went North. It went up well enough for me to get worried and scurry to the Bank. I wanted to redeem my deposit and put the money in a fresh term deposit. I figured I could plead with my company to accept the new savings proof. After all, we are still in the same Indian financial year; in fact we have another two months for the current financial year to end. Also, I figured that whatever penalty I had to shell out owing to premature redeeming would be more than made up by the increased interest rates.
It turns out that the answer to question raised in the title of this article is a resounding No! That’s what I learnt when I went to redeem my term deposit. “You cannot redeem a term deposit that you have specifically pledged for tax savings,” said the bank officials. No arguments there, rule is rule.
The least you would expect the Indian banks to do is to protect the measly gains of an honest tax payer. Here, I did a 5 year term deposit as required by statute but was robbed of its benefits because our banks do not care for tax payers’ money. Well rule is rule.
How well the Swiss banks look after your money! Whatever the method of your wealth accumulation!
Now compare it with the Indian Banks. I am an Indian. The company that I work with required that I submit proof of my savings for getting some income tax rebate by January 5th. Fair enough. I scrimped and scavenged and put some money into a 5 year term deposit into an Indian Bank. Of course, the number of zeros in this amount doesn’t in any way compare with the numbers in the Swiss banks. But parking money is parking money, and such parking is required by Indian law - if you want some rebate on your Income tax, that is. I did.
After I put my money, the rate of interest on deposits went North. It went up well enough for me to get worried and scurry to the Bank. I wanted to redeem my deposit and put the money in a fresh term deposit. I figured I could plead with my company to accept the new savings proof. After all, we are still in the same Indian financial year; in fact we have another two months for the current financial year to end. Also, I figured that whatever penalty I had to shell out owing to premature redeeming would be more than made up by the increased interest rates.
It turns out that the answer to question raised in the title of this article is a resounding No! That’s what I learnt when I went to redeem my term deposit. “You cannot redeem a term deposit that you have specifically pledged for tax savings,” said the bank officials. No arguments there, rule is rule.
The least you would expect the Indian banks to do is to protect the measly gains of an honest tax payer. Here, I did a 5 year term deposit as required by statute but was robbed of its benefits because our banks do not care for tax payers’ money. Well rule is rule.
07 November 2010
Recovery following the luv curve and the date format
Obama visit: What I learnt on Day one:
Recovery of luv:
I learnt that worldwide the economic recovery is on the luv curve. Nothing amorous about it. The Europeans are on the L curve; they came down like the stem of the letter L; they did not go up again. The Americans are on the U curve; they went down fast like the left stem of U; they are now on a slow recovery like the shape at the bottom of the letter U; in future they are likely to go up like the right stem of the letter U. The Indians and the Chinese are on V curve; they came down fast and are going up fast. So you have LUV curve.
Date format:
The date format of the Americans is not consistent. I use to think that they use the MMDD format, as in 9/11, for example. I discovered that Obama uses the DDMM format as well. When he gave his eloquent speech at the Memorial today he kept alluding to 26/11. There is no such month as the 26th, as we know, so, he must be referring to 26 November Mumbai carnage.
I have learnt a lot from the first day of Obama's visit
Recovery of luv:
I learnt that worldwide the economic recovery is on the luv curve. Nothing amorous about it. The Europeans are on the L curve; they came down like the stem of the letter L; they did not go up again. The Americans are on the U curve; they went down fast like the left stem of U; they are now on a slow recovery like the shape at the bottom of the letter U; in future they are likely to go up like the right stem of the letter U. The Indians and the Chinese are on V curve; they came down fast and are going up fast. So you have LUV curve.
Date format:
The date format of the Americans is not consistent. I use to think that they use the MMDD format, as in 9/11, for example. I discovered that Obama uses the DDMM format as well. When he gave his eloquent speech at the Memorial today he kept alluding to 26/11. There is no such month as the 26th, as we know, so, he must be referring to 26 November Mumbai carnage.
I have learnt a lot from the first day of Obama's visit
02 October 2010
I just wanted to forewarn the world.
Last year I missed the opportunity to predict the cataclysmic event that would happen on 7th August. But this time around I want to be the first to report that another cataclysmic event is going to happen at ten minutes past the tenth hour on tenth October.
I remember how last year a story was making the rounds in the Internet that the fifth minute past the sixth hour on 7th August (05:06:07-08-09) was so unique that a minute such as that would not be experienced again in the present millennium. As far as I was concerned nothing much happened. I did not get promoted -as did not a host of others who were looking for promotion that very minute. Of course, a few got promoted at that very minute somewhere in the world. But then every minute somewhere in the world someone gets promoted. As for me, when that tumultuous minute arrived I was in the washroom. The minute came and went.
I am sure something extraordinary will happen at ten minutes past ten on 10th October 10 (10:10: 10-10-10). Perhaps I will get promoted. Remember Lincoln was shot exactly at 10:10. And legend goes that this is the reason why all shops selling wall clocks keep the hands of the clocks at 10:10. I just wanted to forewarn the world.
I remember how last year a story was making the rounds in the Internet that the fifth minute past the sixth hour on 7th August (05:06:07-08-09) was so unique that a minute such as that would not be experienced again in the present millennium. As far as I was concerned nothing much happened. I did not get promoted -as did not a host of others who were looking for promotion that very minute. Of course, a few got promoted at that very minute somewhere in the world. But then every minute somewhere in the world someone gets promoted. As for me, when that tumultuous minute arrived I was in the washroom. The minute came and went.
I am sure something extraordinary will happen at ten minutes past ten on 10th October 10 (10:10: 10-10-10). Perhaps I will get promoted. Remember Lincoln was shot exactly at 10:10. And legend goes that this is the reason why all shops selling wall clocks keep the hands of the clocks at 10:10. I just wanted to forewarn the world.
29 August 2010
Is Nokia making more money by repairing than selling?
Is Nokia making more money by repairing than selling mobile phones?
Day 1
I really don't know. Although I may have suspicion, I have no way to prove . How come Nokia phones start failing just after the warranty period is over?
Either the mobile phone's screen goes poof, or the keypad goes poof, or something compelling happens which forces you to go to Nokia Care.
You have to grant it to Nokia Care, however. It is a swank little place; quite like the 5 star hospitals mushrooming all over.
You have to dish out Rs 100/- (approx $2) to get the fault diagnosed. Nokia Care calls it inspection charges. Appears fair enough, except that I think I was 167 in the queue. And if the queue numbering has been correctly interpreted by me, Nokia Care had already made Rs 16,600/- ( approx $334) on inspection charges alone by the time I reached them.
What I do think is possible is that the repair charges are very strategically priced. It is not quite high enough for you to go in for a new set but high enough for you to wish that you had bought some other mobile phone. First time I went in for a repair of a 5310 set, it cost me approx Rs 2000/- (approx $40) and the second time approx Rs 1200/- (approx $24).
Am I imagining that the phone breaks down just outside the warranty period? May be I am, may be I am not. I have no way to prove either way.
But this much I think I know: I am definitely going in for a different brand when the total repair charges overtakes the original price of the Nokia.
Day 2: Nokia Care Doesn't Care
I got my phone back. Nokia returned the inspection charges (Rs 100/-). So I guess my calculations weren't quite correct about money made out of inspection charges. I paid Rs 1100/-.
But guess what? I am absolutely appalled with Nokia Care's Don't Care attitude. They didn't push the memory card back into the phone. They said the card might be infected. Nokia Care didn't have a scanner and therefore I should take the mem card to a cyber cafe and get it scanned and checked. To a cyber cafe, for God's sake! If the mem card didn't have virus it surely was going to get virus if I took it to a cyber cafe. I bought the mem card from Nokia along with the phone then why should I go to a cyber cafe to get it checked?
Nokia Care is telling me to go to a cyber cafe to get checked a thing that they had sold to me. Can things get more ridiculous?
Day 1
I really don't know. Although I may have suspicion, I have no way to prove . How come Nokia phones start failing just after the warranty period is over?
Either the mobile phone's screen goes poof, or the keypad goes poof, or something compelling happens which forces you to go to Nokia Care.
You have to grant it to Nokia Care, however. It is a swank little place; quite like the 5 star hospitals mushrooming all over.
You have to dish out Rs 100/- (approx $2) to get the fault diagnosed. Nokia Care calls it inspection charges. Appears fair enough, except that I think I was 167 in the queue. And if the queue numbering has been correctly interpreted by me, Nokia Care had already made Rs 16,600/- ( approx $334) on inspection charges alone by the time I reached them.
What I do think is possible is that the repair charges are very strategically priced. It is not quite high enough for you to go in for a new set but high enough for you to wish that you had bought some other mobile phone. First time I went in for a repair of a 5310 set, it cost me approx Rs 2000/- (approx $40) and the second time approx Rs 1200/- (approx $24).
Am I imagining that the phone breaks down just outside the warranty period? May be I am, may be I am not. I have no way to prove either way.
But this much I think I know: I am definitely going in for a different brand when the total repair charges overtakes the original price of the Nokia.
Day 2: Nokia Care Doesn't Care
I got my phone back. Nokia returned the inspection charges (Rs 100/-). So I guess my calculations weren't quite correct about money made out of inspection charges. I paid Rs 1100/-.
But guess what? I am absolutely appalled with Nokia Care's Don't Care attitude. They didn't push the memory card back into the phone. They said the card might be infected. Nokia Care didn't have a scanner and therefore I should take the mem card to a cyber cafe and get it scanned and checked. To a cyber cafe, for God's sake! If the mem card didn't have virus it surely was going to get virus if I took it to a cyber cafe. I bought the mem card from Nokia along with the phone then why should I go to a cyber cafe to get it checked?
Nokia Care is telling me to go to a cyber cafe to get checked a thing that they had sold to me. Can things get more ridiculous?
04 August 2010
Kick Ass
A mathematical theory is doing the rounds in the Internet. From it I derived a management theory. First, the mathematical theory then my management theory:
Quote:
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H- I-T
2+21+12+12+19+ 8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S- S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+ 19+19+9+14+ 7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top
Unquote
Extension of the mathematical theory to a management theory:
I call this the lick ass and kick ass theory. I argue that ass kicking is greater than bullshit, although both tie at 103%.
Lick the ass of your manager and kick the ass of your subordinate. It is so easy. What’s more it even rhymes! So, it makes sense to get these two traits together. You will really go far. Here is a model that I propound:
Look at the four quadrants Q1, Q2, Q3, and Q4:
The guy in Q1 has the least lick ass and kick ass trait. He will go nowhere. In fact, he is a stillborn manager.
The guy in Q2 has high kick ass and low lick ass trait. He will be like a projectile with a low trajectory; he will go far but will never go high. Actually he will go so far from his Company that it won’t be safe for him to return.
The guy in Q3 has low kick ass but high lick ass trait. He will be like a projectile with a very high trajectory; he will go high but not far. If you only exercise your tongue and not your legs, you are likely to get blisters on your tongue and arthritis in your legs.
The guy in Q4 has high kick ass and high lick ass trait. He will go high and will go far. He will kick the ass of his subordinates, even step on them. Few can challenge him in licking ass. He is the manager to look out for. He is the winner.
Quote:
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H- I-T
2+21+12+12+19+ 8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S- S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+ 19+19+9+14+ 7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top
Unquote
Extension of the mathematical theory to a management theory:
I call this the lick ass and kick ass theory. I argue that ass kicking is greater than bullshit, although both tie at 103%.
Lick the ass of your manager and kick the ass of your subordinate. It is so easy. What’s more it even rhymes! So, it makes sense to get these two traits together. You will really go far. Here is a model that I propound:
Look at the four quadrants Q1, Q2, Q3, and Q4:
The guy in Q1 has the least lick ass and kick ass trait. He will go nowhere. In fact, he is a stillborn manager.
The guy in Q2 has high kick ass and low lick ass trait. He will be like a projectile with a low trajectory; he will go far but will never go high. Actually he will go so far from his Company that it won’t be safe for him to return.
The guy in Q3 has low kick ass but high lick ass trait. He will be like a projectile with a very high trajectory; he will go high but not far. If you only exercise your tongue and not your legs, you are likely to get blisters on your tongue and arthritis in your legs.
The guy in Q4 has high kick ass and high lick ass trait. He will go high and will go far. He will kick the ass of his subordinates, even step on them. Few can challenge him in licking ass. He is the manager to look out for. He is the winner.
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