29 August 2010

Is Nokia making more money by repairing than selling?

Is Nokia making more money by repairing than selling mobile phones?
Day 1
I really don't know. Although I may have suspicion, I have no way to prove . How come Nokia phones start failing just after the warranty period is over?
Either the mobile phone's screen goes poof, or the keypad goes poof, or something compelling happens which forces you to go to Nokia Care.
You have to grant it to Nokia Care, however. It is a swank little place; quite like the 5 star hospitals mushrooming all over.
You have to dish out Rs 100/- (approx $2) to get the fault diagnosed. Nokia Care calls it inspection charges. Appears fair enough, except that I think I was 167 in the queue. And if the queue numbering has been correctly interpreted by me, Nokia Care had already made Rs 16,600/- ( approx $334) on inspection charges alone by the time I reached them.
What I do think is possible is that the repair charges are very strategically priced. It is not quite high enough for you to go in for a new set but high enough for you to wish that you had bought some other mobile phone. First time I went in for a repair of a 5310 set, it cost me approx Rs 2000/- (approx $40) and the second time approx Rs 1200/- (approx $24).
Am I imagining that the phone breaks down just outside the warranty period? May be I am, may be I am not. I have no way to prove either way.
But this much I think I know: I am definitely going in for a different brand when the total repair charges overtakes the original price of the Nokia.

Day 2: Nokia Care Doesn't Care

I got my phone back. Nokia returned the inspection charges (Rs 100/-). So I guess my calculations weren't quite correct about money made out of inspection charges. I paid Rs 1100/-.
But guess what? I am absolutely appalled with Nokia Care's Don't Care attitude. They didn't push the memory card back into the phone. They said the card might be infected. Nokia Care didn't have a scanner and therefore I should take the mem card to a cyber cafe and get it scanned and checked. To a cyber cafe, for God's sake! If the mem card didn't have virus it surely was going to get virus if I took it to a cyber cafe. I bought the mem card from Nokia along with the phone then why should I go to a cyber cafe to get it checked?

Nokia Care is telling me to go to a cyber cafe to get checked a thing that they had sold to me. Can things get more ridiculous?

04 August 2010

Kick Ass

A mathematical theory is doing the rounds in the Internet. From it I derived a management theory. First, the mathematical theory then my management theory:
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
B-U-L-L-S-H- I-T
2+21+12+12+19+ 8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S- S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+ 19+19+9+14+ 7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that, while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top


Extension of the mathematical theory to a management theory:
I call this the lick ass and kick ass theory. I argue that ass kicking is greater than bullshit, although both tie at 103%.
Lick the ass of your manager and kick the ass of your subordinate. It is so easy. What’s more it even rhymes! So, it makes sense to get these two traits together. You will really go far. Here is a model that I propound:

Look at the four quadrants Q1, Q2, Q3, and Q4:
The guy in Q1 has the least lick ass and kick ass trait. He will go nowhere. In fact, he is a stillborn manager.
The guy in Q2 has high kick ass and low lick ass trait. He will be like a projectile with a low trajectory; he will go far but will never go high. Actually he will go so far from his Company that it won’t be safe for him to return.
The guy in Q3 has low kick ass but high lick ass trait. He will be like a projectile with a very high trajectory; he will go high but not far. If you only exercise your tongue and not your legs, you are likely to get blisters on your tongue and arthritis in your legs.
The guy in Q4 has high kick ass and high lick ass trait. He will go high and will go far. He will kick the ass of his subordinates, even step on them. Few can challenge him in licking ass. He is the manager to look out for. He is the winner.

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